Happy Halloween, my Frugalistas(os)! I wrote a Frugalista horror story in honor of Halloween. What’s a Halloween celebration without a good scare?
The Zombie Bag of Baby Spinach that Wouldn’t Die by Natalie P. McNeal
Once upon a time, in a land far far away, a blogger named
Natalie Natasha wanted to save money and eat healthy. Natasha had slayed $20,000 worth of debt and was determined to keep her money right and get her body tight. She vowed to cook at home more, so she went to the grocery store to pick up a bag of generic baby organic spinach. She figured that baby spinach was a lot more classy/exotic than say, iceberg lettuce. She loved the way the baby spinach leaves looked. The lush green color was to die for! Natasha was all about looking fabulous even while being frugal.
Giddy with her purchase, she went home and vowed to use the bag of baby spinach up quickly. Food waste is evil, she said! Natasha made a shrimp and spinach omelet, which she Tweeted to her friends to their delight. Natasha used the baby spinach in her tacos, substituting shredded lettuce. And Natasha ate baby spinach salads until her manicured nails turned green. Still, the bag of spinach wouldn’t go away. For every meal that she prepared, the spinach doubled in the bag. It was like the spinach leaves were gremlins multiplying in her refrigerator. And, they were turning slimy, like dark green snot! What the hell? She hadn’t even had the bag for a week yet! Visions of Little Shop of Horrors started playing in her head. Was this bottomless, turning slimy bag of spinach starting to take over life? Was it a mean green, mutha from outerspace?
Scared, Natasha called her friends to see if they had any recipes for baby spinach- anything to help. Her one trusty friend,
Ayesha Amy, told her that she was using baby spinach in chili, lasagna and even in her toothpaste. What!?!? Amy then started chanting: BABY SPINACH DOESN’T DIE , IT MULTIPLIES!
Natasha let out a bloodcurdling scream and realized that a baby spinach zombie must have attached Amy. Natasha then called no fewer than seven friends. The friends mentioned using baby spinach in their yogurt, tea, shampoo, soap dish and as gifts for friends. Baby spinach took over their lives! All of them started chanting: BABY SPINACH DOESN’T DIE, IT MULTIPLIES! They were spinach zombies!!!
But it DOES die, Natasha thought to herself! It was turning slimy in her ice cold refrigerator and still, she wanted to finish the bag. She didn’t want to waste her money that she spent on the bag. She felt like her mind was playing tricks on her, courtesy of the zombie spinach!
Scared, Natashia grabbed that bag of store brand, baby organic spinach to throw it out. But, it fully liquified into nothing but slime and exploded on her face, covering her in green drippings. She ran out of her apartment and screamed for help. And then she vanished into thin air!!!
For the rest of her days, she was known as the blogger who couldn’t finish a bag of baby spinach. No one ever asked about where she was. Everyone remembered her as the frugal blogger who wasted food and money!
The moral of the story: Bags of baby spinach are bottomless. You can’t win!
What did you think about that horror story? That poor Natasha! Will you look at spinach in a bag the same again? I sure won’t! Tell the truth, have you EVER finish a bag of salad? If so, do you have a family of 12?